Remembering the Past
by LukeandLorelai4ever47
Summary: Just a one shot with Mary, character death. It's kind of random, but I thought I'd post it anyway. Btw, sorry to the first few people that read it, some extra stuff was tuck on the end from another story. It should be fixed now :


"Where have you been?"

"What are you talking about?"

"You were supposed to pick me up from school! We had the art fair downtown today and you told me you'd be there."

"Oh, my god! I'm so sorry! I totally forgot!"

"Yeah, I figured that."

"Look, I'm sorry, something (cut off)"

"Came up at work. Right, like always. God, if dad were here (cut off)"

"Well, he isn't. It was an emergency, my boss needed me to stay late, and, I (pauses). I'm really sorry Marshall. There is no excuse for my forgetting. I'll make it up to you. I promise."

"Don't bother making promises. You so rarely seem to keep them. (starts to walk off, points to the table) Here, I won first place."

(walks down the hall and slams the door to her room)

(Mary walks over to the kitchen table where a large canvass is laying. She sees that it's a painting of her and Marshall's father, copied from a photograph. She starts to tear up. Walks down to Marshall's room and knocks on the door)

"Go away."

(She opens the door anyway. Marshall is sitting in a window seat with a sketch pad in her lap. Mary walks over and sits in the seat as well. Marshall quickly gets up and goes over to the bed.)

"I'm really sorry Marshall."

"I know."

"I saw your painting."

(Marshall starts to tear up)

"It's not a big deal."

"It's a really big deal. (walks over and sits next to Marshall.) You and your brother are the most important things in my life. Nothing will ever change that. I would do anything for you guys. And I hate myself when you get hurt, but I hate myself even more when I cause that pain."

"It felt so good to paint again. You know? It was like I was finally doing something that I was supposed to. I haven't touched that paint brush since he died mom! I haven't played my guitar. I haven't been able to read a book all the way through because I know that I'll want to talk to him about it if I finish it! And I know you miss him, and that's why we can't talk about him. Believe me, I get it. But sometimes, I think you forget that you're not the only one who lost somebody. All you think about is you! (gets up off the bed and starts ranting) You're never home anymore and when you are it's like you're in another world. You forget to pick me and Ben up from school. You didn't go to Ben's school play or any of his baseball games. You forgot my birthday. It's like it's not even you! We didn't just loose dad. We lost you too."

"(crying more steadily) Sit down, I want to tell you something. (Marshall obeys). When I first found out that I was pregnant with you, I was utterly terrified. I was scared of everything you could possibly imagine. I was afraid that I would mess you up, or that I would just be a bad mother. In my mind, I hadn't even really planned on having kids. Especially then, I mean, your dad and I hadn't been together very long, and it was still new. I wasn't sure if I was ready to have a baby. (smiles slightly) Your dad, he knew me so well. I knew that the moment I told him he would be happy, thrilled even. But he knew that I had reservations, so he took my hand, and he told me that I was going to be ok. He said that whatever choice I made, he would stand by me one hundred percent. That night, when we went to sleep, I woke up in the middle of the night, because I could feel you, fluttering around in there. (smiles) I usually would have that that whole 'It was the most amazing thing' crap was ridicules. But in that moment, I knew that I wanted you. I wanted you more than I ever really thought it was possible to want another person. I woke him up immediately and told him that he better not give me any shit when I got big and fat. (Marshall and Mary chuckle) He was wonderful with everything. He made sure that total strangers didn't attempt to rub my stomach, he would go get me double fudge brownie ice cream in the middle of the night, and he would hold my hair back while I pucked my guts out into the toilet. And he wanted to meet you so bad. When he thought I was asleep, he would talk to you and tell you how much he loved you and how wonderful your life was going to be. One night in particular, he told you that I was going to be a wonderful mom, whether I knew it or not. He said that I was the love of his life, and that he wanted to die at 103 sitting right next to me. He said that I was beautiful, even if I didn't know it. He said that I had a good heart, and that I would fall in love with you the minute I saw you. I rolled over and asked him to marry me. He said yes right after asking if I was sure.

Two days before you were born, he had to go out of town on business. I told him to go. I wasn't due for another two weeks, everything was going to be fine. So he went, and I went into early labor. He tried to get back as fast as he could, but you were so headstrong. You weren't going to wait for anybody. Laying in that hospital bed, being entirely alone, and in labor, every fear I'd ever had come flooding back to me. I knew that if your dad was with me, I could be your mom. I knew that everything would be alright. When he got there, he wouldn't put you down. I think he was afraid to let the nurses take you. (smiles) He loved you so much.

What I'm trying to say, is that, when your dad was alive, I knew that everything was going to be alright. If something happened to me, you would be taken care of. He was a great person and he would have done anything for you. When he died, I didn't know what to do. Everywhere I went I thought about him. Work was miserable at first because I had lost my partner. Home was worse because every time I look at you or Ben I can see him."

"Sometimes, I see you look at me in a certain way, and I know that your thinking about him. I'm sorry if I cause you pain."

"Kiddo, you don't cause me pain. See, even though I lost him, I didn't really loose him. (she hugs Marshall) I have a little piece of us right here. (pulls back and looks at her) I know that I haven't been the best mom, but I want you to know that I love you more than anything in this world. And I am so sorry to have hurt you."

"It's ok mom."

"No, it's not ok. I want to make it up to you."

"Can you talk about him? We never talk about him."


End file.
